What I am writing about today is more of a "heavy" topic. It wasn't something I had planned on sharing, but while driving to MD, I had plenty of time to think about it and felt I wanted to share the story.
I made the trip home yesterday to spend the week with my mom and to try on my wedding dress which came in a few weeks ago. While driving, I was chatting with my mom on the phone as I often do (hands free of course). We were talking about the wedding and I brought up ceremony seating for my grandmother. Preface: My grandma is 87-years-old, and lost her husband (my beloved grandfather) a few years ago. She was hospitalized in March and underwent major surgery which requires a lengthy and uncomfortable recovery. She will also require further surgery to return to her normal self, but due to her age, the doctor does not want to perform this surgery until she is more than well. The soonest he would be able to do it would be 6 months (September), though he prefers to do it closer to 12+ months.
Since this happened, I knew that there was a possibility my grandma wouldn't be well enough to travel for the wedding (in October)...though I have, until now, been praying and hoping that she would recover quickly and possibly be able to have the surgery and recover in time for the wedding. I have always been close with my maternal grandparents, and though I was devastated to lose my grandpa, I was thankful and hopeful to have my grandma there with me at my wedding.
When talking to my mom, she basically broke the news to me that my grandma is more than likely unable to make it to the wedding. She had been talking with her siblings, and unfortunately due to the circumstances, it is best for her not to travel. If she were to have the surgery in September, it would be difficult for her to travel afterward without enough recovery time. At the same time, the surgery itself is very dangerous due to her age, and it's something that even now needs to be carefully considered.
This, of course, broke my heart. And right now, I am having a hard time writing this...but after I got off the phone with my mom, I began to think about things--how precious life is, how blessed I am, and I began to try to make peace with the situation. At first, I thought about David and the likelihood of both his grandmothers being at the wedding and couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy...but that quickly subsided. I thought about my best friend, and her mother who passed away during our freshman year of college. I thought about other friends of mine who have also lost their mothers. I thought about friends who don't have close relationships with their own parents.
I realized that as much as I would love to have my grandmother there, that the most important thing to me is her health and wellness. It is more important for me to be able to travel to see her when she is well and healthy, than for her to attend the actual ceremony.
This situation, along with other recent happenings, got me thinking about how short and precious life is. It is so important to appreciate our blessings while we have them, and to spend time enjoying them, rather than moping over situations out of our control. Though I would be ecstatic to have my grandma there with us on our wedding day, I am happy that she is still here...and I am now planning a trip for after the wedding to go visit her in TX. :)